For most people the signing of the divorce papers comes as a huge relief, and they are anxious to begin dating again. Beginning a new romantic relationship can soothe wounded egos, boost self-esteem, and can help the person get his mind off the broken marriage, and the lost spouse.
How Can You Get Back Into the Dating Game?
Many experts insist that divorced persons wait for at least a year to begin dating again, especially if they have young children. Remember, that you may find the divorce to be a relief, but for your children, this is only just the beginning. There will be momentous changes taking place in their life in the year after their parents’ divorce, including the change in their parents’ residences, and visitation schedules that may be difficult to adjust to.
When you introduce a new partner into their already traumatized lives, the sense of confusion and bewilderment is simply increased. Young children, for instance, do not understand why there’s another male or female in their parents’ lives, while older children may become openly resentful, angry or bitter. All of those complications can be eased if you wait for your kids to settle into their new environment and to life after the divorce before you begin dating again. For more advice about how to help the children cope with your divorce, read the other posts on this Boca Raton divorce lawyer blog.
Also remember that dating too early after a divorce can leave you open to more pain and emotional distress soon after a major emotional upheaval in your life.
If you begin dating immediately after a divorce however, take care not to introduce your partner to your children. Your partner must not spend nights in your home, or even come home when the children are present. This will protect the children from the negative emotional fallout that is often the consequence of parents moving on too quickly after a divorce.
Whatever you do, be careful, especially if you’re dating online where you may fall victim to online dating scams. The most common online dating scam is simply about money. Someone gains your trust and says everything you want to hear. Soon, the requests for money begin. That cute young lady or gentleman who thinks your picture is so adorable might really be some thug out to steal your money, and he could be next door to you or halfway around the world. Sometimes you’ll be asked for money to help “a relative in the hospital.” You may be asked for travel money so that the person can meet you. If you send money, the person you are sending it to may simply disappear. Alternatively, the person may decide that you are gullible and begin asking for more. If you suspect that someone has sent you a phony picture of himself or herself, Google has a tool that can help you know. You can upload the picture to Google Images (images.google.com) to determine if the picture is in use elsewhere on the internet. (Click the camera icon for the upload function.)
Many people are emotionally vulnerable after a divorce. You must use your best discernment and realize that the internet is literally filled with scam artists and criminals seeking victims. Online scams are not the exception to the rule – they’re common.
Dating Tips for Older Divorcees
South Florida has always been a favorite destination of older and retired Americans, and the 21st century hasn’t changed that. What has changed is the rising rate of divorce among people in their 50s and 60s, what observers are calling “gray divorce.” Here are some other recommendations that may help you get back in the dating game:
- Make new friends. That’s easier to do in south Florida, where many people are your age and in a similar situation. Be proactive. Volunteer, join organizations, or resume some favorite recreational pursuits you haven’t enjoyed recently.
- Try not to burden or depend on your adult children. Find someone else to listen to your ruminations. Your children can be there for you, but set some boundaries for their sake and yours.
- Start dating. You’re never too old. If romance doesn’t blossom, you’re still making friends, and friends are a valuable blessing when you’re older and single.
- Accept and forgive yourself. Those divorcing at a later age sometimes find it harder to forgive themselves for earlier mistakes in life. But consider the math; the longer we live, the more mistakes we make. Everyone’s life is full of mistakes. What’s important is moving on in a positive way.
If you’re an older adult divorcing or expecting to divorce in south Florida, speak with an experienced Boca Raton divorce attorney as quickly as possible.
Adjusting to Single Life
Some divorcees love returning to the dating game. However, for others, a divorce after several years of marriage is a painful experience. For one thing, you now have to go back to single life, and for someone who has for years been known as the spouse of another person, the thought of being all alone can be intimidating.
Here are some ways that can help you flourish as a single person after divorce:
Explore interests that you were unable to explore during the marriage. There might have been hobbies that you wanted to undertake or interests that you wanted to pursue, but couldn’t because of your other marriage and other commitments. Take that route now, and see where it goes.
Pay attention to your health, and getting fit. That’s not necessarily in preparation for dating, but to make you feel good about yourself, and more confident. When you look good, you feel good, regardless of whether you have a significant other in your life or not.
Get in touch with friends and family members who care about you. Build a close support network of people who are positive and care about you. Avoid surrounding yourself with negative people, or those who want to live in the past, or people who remind you of the past. That means that you might have to cut out some people from your friends’ circle, but so be it.
Travel alone. This amazing experience is one that many people forgo when they’re married or in a committed relationship. It might have been years since you took a trip as a single, or you might have never taken one your own. A trip doesn’t necessarily have to mean travel outside the country, and doesn’t have to be expensive. Look at affordable trips that are close to you, and take this time to declutter your head.
Experiment with your looks. No one is asking you to go drastic with a makeover, but a change in looks can help people move on and reinvent themselves. In a marriage, people do end up looking like what the partner wants them to look like, even though that may not be what they want to look like.
For help filing for divorce, schedule a consultation with a Boca Raton divorce lawyer.
