How do you tell if your marital struggles are not a temporary blimp, but are indicating a long term rut? Every marriage goes through its rough patches, but there are some signs that are much more likely to predict the end of the marriage, than a reconnection between the spouses. If you find any of these warning signs in your marriage, then it may be time to think seriously about a divorce.
Ask yourself if you can imagine your life without the person you’re married to. If you find yourself fantasizing about leaving him, or fantasizing about a life without your partner, then that is a very strong indication that you need a change. Does your future look much better, and much more carefree without your partner?
If you have tried other ways of making a marriage work, like counseling or therapy, and still have seen no success, then you may want to consider a divorce. If you and your spouse both agree to attend marriage counseling sessions, you may be able to work through your differences. However, if one party is convinced that counseling won’t help, or if you’ve been to counseling and it hasn’t helped, then you need the services of a good divorce attorney.
In some cases, you may see physical symptoms that your marriage is in extremely deep trouble. For instance, if you find yourself often feeling very stiff, or closed in around your spouse, ask yourself why that is so. If being around your spouse makes you tense and uncomfortable, you might wonder if there are problems that are deep-rooted.
If your marriage is plagued by one or more long-term, irresolvable problems, and you have tried several solutions or compromises, you may need to consider divorce. Common long-term, hard-to-resolve issues in a marriage are usually things like continuing interference by one or both sets of in-laws; disagreements about or interference from stepchildren; chronic financial and employment problems; or the memories and feelings of betrayal associated with an extramarital incident.
Very often, in the weeks and months before marriage, the couple begins to emotionally disengage from each other. If you find yourself becoming emotionally distant from your spouse, or disinclined to share your innermost thoughts and feelings with him, then you may want to ask yourself why that is so.
It’s fine to have separate interests and groups of friends, but if it comes to the point where you’re spending almost no time with your spouse, and instead each of you are going out on your own, this could be a sign that you’re headed for divorce. It’s important to carve out alone time for the two of you, so try to make an effort to spend time together.
People, who are on the path to divorce, find that they are very rarely able to resolve their disputes. Arguments become so frequent that they become a routine part of the couple’s life. When a couple stops trying to find any solutions to these conflicts, then it may be a time to acknowledge that the marriage is unsalvageable.
Lack of intimacy is a major deal breaker in any marriage, and if you find that that area of the marriage is no longer attractive for you, you might want to ask itself why that is so. Usually, lack of intimacy is simply an indication that the emotional disassociation is almost complete.
Sometimes, a spouse who is considering divorce, but has not yet voiced those thoughts out loud, may take begin to take an intense interest in his personal appearance. If your spouse, for example, has sold off a prized possession to get a hair transplant, you might want to ask questions.
Look at the marriage through the eyes of your children. Ask yourself if your children are happy. Most adults have met people who remain for years in unhappy marriages “for the sake of the children.” And there’s no doubt about it – divorce is tough on kids, and all of the research confirms it. However, divorce is probably better than raising your children in an abusive, angry, or violent marriage. If you remain in a bad marriage for your children, they grow up amid arguments, angry shouting, and possible violence. In this kind of marriage, a divorce can provide children with these tangible benefits:
- A calmer emotional setting: The first months may be tough after a divorce, but eventually your kids will settle into a “new normal” that is much calmer and much less contentious.
- Happier parents: Happier adults make better parents, and happiness is infectious.
- Better parenting: There’s no guarantee that you’ll be a better parent after dissolving a bad marriage, but the chances are good, because you’ll be able to focus more clearly on your children and your parenting.
- Two homes without constant strife: After a bad marriage, divorce is a win-win situation for the kids.
While the research is settled regarding divorce’s impact on children, that research fails to consider the permanent damage children suffer when they grow up in a home with parents who don’t get along. A divorce frees everyone from ongoing negative undercurrents and continuing unhappiness.
Florida is a “no fault” divorce state, so no fault has to be assigned to either spouse in a divorce. A mere declaration by either spouse that the marriage is irreconcilable is enough to obtain a divorce in Florida. Regardless of your own personal feelings, if your spouse refuses to reconcile, you must seek an attorney who will defend your best long-term interests. When divorce is inevitable, if you live in south Florida, contact an experienced Florida divorce lawyer based in Boca Raton as quickly as possible.
Divorce is not the kind of decision that you should make lightly. However, it is also important to recognize when problems are so deep, that they are not resolvable even with counseling, therapy or other methods. Speak to a Boca Raton divorce lawyer for help filing for divorce. To learn how divorce will affect your life, schedule a consultation with a Boca Raton divorce lawyer.